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Log in. Forums New posts Search forums. What's new New posts New items Latest activity. Items Latest items Search items. Members Current visitors. Donate to the Season Ticket Fund. Search Everywhere Thre This forum This thread. Search titles only. Everywhere Thre This forum This thread. Search Advanced…. New posts. Search forums. Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman jokes. Thread starter Gazolba Start date Apr 7, Gazolba Well-Known Member.
Used to be quite popular. Probably considered politically incorrect today. Nevertheless, here's a good one: An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are all working on a construction site, building a new skyscraper in London. It's lunchtime and they're all sat atop the building. Ham and cheese sandwich Im fucking sick of ham and cheese sandwiches, it's the same every bloody day. If I get another ham and cheese sandwich in my lunch box tomorrow I'm jumping off the top of this building.
I cannee go on like this eating jam sandwiches every day of me life! If I get the same again tomorrow I'm jumping as well. Not another egg and cress sandwich! That's the fourth one in a row this week! I'm with you boys, one more egg and cress sandwich and I'm jumping! One by one they open up their lunch boxes The Englishman finds another ham and cheese sandwich, so off he jumps, and splats into the ground below. The Scotsman finds another jam sandwich Off he goes The Irishman, egg and cress sandwich A week or so later later the three widows are talking at the memorial service.
The English widow says, through tears, "I still can't believe it, had no idea George hated ham and cheese so much, if only I'd known I just don't understand Paddy packed his own lunch. Reactions: Sky Blue Petevowmrtrench and 9 others.
Astute Well-Known Irish man englishman and scottish man jokes. Aug 2, 31, 7, Cumbria. Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman get caught by terrorists. But we will grant you each one final wish' says the terrorist.
Scotsman 'I would like a hundred bagpipes playing Scotland the brave' Irishman 'I would like people performing the river dance' Englishman 'Can you kill me first please? Irish man englishman and scottish man jokes wingy and Gazolba. An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman are in France just after the start of Operation Overlord, they have been cut off from their unit and seek refuge in a barn. Later that night they hear a German patrol coming round, so they need to hide.
In the barn there are three large sacks, so they all agree to try hiding in them. No sooner are they all in their sacks when the Wermacht burst in the door, they see the three sacks and view them suspiciously. They approach the sack with the Englishman inside and kick it, quick-witted the Englishman says "woof" in his best dog impression, and the Germans shrug and walk to the next one.
Reaching the sack with the Scotsman inside they kick that one, and following the Englishman's example the Scotsman says "meow" in his best cat voice and the Germans leave it be. Then they approach the sack with the Irishman inside, as with the others they kick it and the Irishman says "potatoes".
Reactions: shmmeeevowmrtrench and 2 others. An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman are on a plane. During their flight the captain calls them up to the flight deck and issues them a challenge. He says: "I will give 1 million pounds to whichever one of you can tell where we are by sticking your hand out of the window" So the Englishman grins and steps up, puts his hand out of the plane window and thinks for a second, before saying "Manchester", the pliot tells him this isn't correct and sends him back to his seat.
The Irishman gets up next and puts his hand out of the window, after a while he says: "Cork! Then the Scotsman goes up and puts his hand out of the window, after a moment he brings his arm back in and says: "Glasgow". Astonished, the pilot asks: "How did you know? A Scotsman, an Irishman, and an Englishman are each sentenced to a year in solitary confinement; before being locked away, each is to be granted a year's supply of whatever he wants to help him get through the long, long spell alone.
The Scotsman asks for a year's supply of whisky; it's given to him and he's locked away. The Irishman asks for a year's supply of Guinness so he's locked up with several thousand bottles of it. The Englishman asks for a year's supply of cigarettes and he's given a pile of cartons and the cell door is shut on him. One year later, the doors are all unlocked. The Scotsman staggers out and shouts, 'I'm free!
The Irishman is dragged out into the light, whereupon he promptly dies of liver failure. When the door to the Englishman's cell is opened, everybody watches eagerly to see what sort of a wreck the man has made of himself. To their surprise, he walks right out the door, sidles up to the first person he sees, and asks, 'I say you wouldn't happen to have a match, would you? An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were taking part in a survey about tea-drinking habits.
How about you? An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were out on a lake fishing in a rented boat. They were doing very well. Last edited: Apr 11, An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman went for a round of golf and their wives went along as their caddies. While walking around the course the English man's wife caught her foot in a rabbit hole, tripped up, and landed in a heap on the ground. Her skirt was over her head revealing that Irish man englishman and scottish man jokes wasn't wearing any knickers!
The Englishman stormed over and angrily demanded a reason for her state of undress. Usually no one notices. Go to Mark's and Spencer's and get some knickers.
Two holes further along the Irish Man's wife caught her foot on a molehill, tripped up and ended in a heap on the ground. Again her skirt was up over her head revealing that she wasn't wearing any knickers either! The Irish man was livid and he angrily demanded a reason for her lack of undergarments.Irish man englishman and scottish man jokes
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Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman jokes